Workshop of Trista's Research Paper

Workshop of Trista's Paper

Rough Draft #1 Workshop Questions
Overall
1. What do you like best about the paper? Be specific.

I liked the paragraph about the Florida Keys and the manatees which happen to be one of my favorite animals

2. Email the author and ask for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

Waiting on Response Although she did write at the bottom of her paper that it needed to be longer and she needed to cite her sources. I would say that those are her main concerns.

Thesis
3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?

Yes. The argument is that eutrophication is a serious global problem and it alters the environment.

4. What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?

Environmental people will love this paper because it argues on their side.

Those that use chemicals of any kind will be against the paper because chemicals are causing the problems.

5. Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?

Yes

Content
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest! (Friends don’t let friend turn in boring essays!)

Probably a 1 or 2.

7.Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? Be specific (e.g. “the 3rd is dullsville”; “the conclusion is really vague”). The intro needs a story or something empathetic…like the plight of the sea turtles or manatees to draw the reader in. I’m not sure that there was a conclusion either. The last paragraph talks about educating people and then stops there. I didn’t feel that the paper was wrapped up at all. I would love to see more stories or examples through out the paper; this would break up some of the long words and technical terms which would make it an easier read.

8.What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? If there are none, go back to #3.

I think one of the main objections will be from the factories and farmers that use chemicals. They will say that the changes sited would have happened any way despite evidence that the changes have resulted from chemicals.

9.Has the author dealt with these objections? She gives the guidelines of what the EPA uses to pinpoint pollutant problems so I think so.

10.Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?
I’m not sure if the blogger made all the paragraph breaks, but I think that there are too many paragraphs. They make the essay look short and choppy. I can’t really tell if the paper follows the thesis so I would make this suggestion… Intro with thesis, paragraph explaining in detail what eutrophication is, paragraph talking about the alteration of wetlands, paragraph about fisheries collapses, paragraph about watershed contamination, conclusion that wraps up the entire thesis and global warming effects. Some transitions between paragraphs would help smooth it out as well.

Style
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

It needs transitions because right now the author jumps from topic to topic.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening? The intro needs a story or something empathetic…like the plight of the sea turtles or manatees to draw the reader in.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction? The last paragraph talks about educating people and then stops there. I didn’t feel that the paper was wrapped up at all. The conclusion did not wrap up the thesis.

Research
14. How many different sources are cited in the paper (don’t look at Works Cited or References (depending if it's MLA or APA); look at the parenthetical citations. The medium does not matter.) I’m pretty sure I counted four

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis? I think the few that were sited were equal

16. Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion? There are no quotes in the paper.

17. Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited or References that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no) Yes they do

18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers). There was very little cited in the paper so I wondered where most of the information came from such as the example of the Florida Keys or the fishery in Japan.
19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was. There were no quotes, only paraphrasing.